Chronicles of a Blogaholic

The story of my life from here on

Archive for the category “Being Me”

The only thing constant is change

I don’t know about you, but I usually categorize my friends into buckets:

1. Hi-Hello kinds: You run into them at the mall or the grocery store or at a restaurant. You exchange pleasantries with them and promise to keep in touch. But you know and he/she knows that you won’t.

2. Periodic friends: They become your really good friends while you are at a particular place – same office, same school, same dancing class or something like that. You are the best of friends there, but once you are out of that common place, you lose touch.

3. Can pick up threads where you left ’em friends: These are the kind who will always make you feel warm and good. You might not be in touch on a regular basis, but when you meet them you can reconnect like you never lost touch.

4. Besties: Self explanatory. These are your best friends. You call them everyday/almost everyday. If not call, you text/chat. If something is wrong in your life, these are the ones you call and rely on always.

5. Friends on Facebook but don’t know how: There are a few people on facebook who are on my friend list, but I have no clue how they got there. I have to look really hard at their profile info to find the common link.

Well, so there was one such friend who became my best friend. I got to know her at work. Pretty soon, we became inseparable – at work and outside work. We spent almost every waking moment together. The fact that we lived in the same neighborhood made it even more easier for us to hangout more often. But then I left work to go to the US. She threw me the most awesome farewell party. We vowed to keep in touch. For some time, we did. We sent each other long emails. We called each other on weekends. She filled me in on the office gossip. I updated her on my school life and new friends. But then she started dating someone. Of course, I was happy for her. In fact, I had even encouraged her to go out with him and get to know him.  I got busy with school life. The calls and emails became less frequent too. But every time I visited home, she still made time for me and things always felt like I had left them. So I moved her from category 4 to 3.

Every time I thought of moving back home again, I always thought of good times spent with her and yearned for it. Of course, I didn’t move back for her, but it still gave me a good feeling knowing that she will be around and I can again hangout with her. So I called her as soon as I landed here. Met her over coffee and lunch in the first week itself. Unfortunately, the warmth and the closeness was missing. I thought this feeling was temporary and soon things would fall into place. But nope, they didn’t. Soon after my breakup, I appointed her as my breakup buddy. Someone I would call instead of calling my ex and someone I would pour my heart out to. Well, to give her credit, she did try her best to be around and  make me feel better. But the calls got less frequent. Half the time, she wouldn’t answer, and half the times, she wouldn’t return my calls. Every weekend she would say lets hangout, and then not call to fix a time. Well, so that’s how it is now. So now I guess I will have to move her from Category 3 to 2. It hurts so much. Most of my friends have moved out of this city and she is the only close friend around. I so wish things would go back to normal. But I guess they won’t. I just have to accept it.  Just the way I accepted that my ex and I are not happily ever after material. Sigh.

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The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Alright guys, I’m back!  I sincerely apologize for the blogging break. Too many things started happening and I just didn’t have the time or the energy to blog at the end of the day.

Good news is that I got very busy with job interviews. I have had about 15 interviews in the last 3 weeks! So on an average, that’s one interview each weekday. And you might think that I was probably interviewing with 5 different companies, but nope! Just two. Two very good ones. But both are in different cities. Both would take me away from home…yet again! Anyway, the interview process is still not over, and I don’t have offers in hand from either, so I will cross that bridge when I get there. So that’s the good news.

Bad news is that my dad was unwell. It was pretty scary, to the extent that I actually canceled travel plans and postponed a few interviews for a week so that I could concentrate just on him. He’s doing a lot better now – Thanks!

Ugly news is that I found out that my ex might be engaged and on his way to holy matrimony by the end of this year. Why do I care you ask? I know I shouldn’t. But just that the wounds are so fresh, that it just seemed too soon for him to move on and replace me. So what followed was obsessive calls to the ex demanding “Why, why, why?” and losing a bit more of my self-esteem. It’s amazing how he twists each and every conversation so that I end up feeling bad at the end of it and apologize to him. All I am looking for is some kind of closure, let’s have a mature talk and break up on a good note, so that my last memory of this is something good and not something ugly where we both are shouting at each other. But I guess that’s not going to happen. So after my conversation with him last night, I pledged not to call him again. And you my dear readers, have to help me keep this promise to myself.

So that’s the good, bad and ugly news since my last post. I hope to be more regular going forward. Have a good weekend, guys! 🙂

New Beginnings

I was just talking to a friend about how clueless I am in life at this moment and he said:

“It’s great to be clueless. It’s that state when we have so many open possibilities. I think it’s totally okay to be clueless.”

I just love the way he put it. Coming to think of it, it is true. Right now, I can start with a clean slate. So I am going to stop blaming myself over and over again for what happened and embrace the fact that it happened for a good reason. I am going to start taking care of myself from this moment on. There are so many things that I had always wanted to do, but never had the time to. So now that I have enough spare time, I am going to list them all down here and commit myself to doing them.

1. Learning to drive. (Something that will give me immense independence and confidence)

2. Exercise regularly. (I hate to look at myself in the mirror these days.)

3. Reading a lot of books. A lot.

4. Take up every opportunity I get to travel.

5. Take lots of pictures.

These are going to be my short term goals.

Of course a big one, that’s not on this list is figuring out my career path. Whether to start off on my own or look for another job. I need to figure that out soon.

So from now on, no feeling sorry for myself. No self-pity. Cheers to a wonderful new beginning! Cheers to me!!

Why am I here?

I am here because I need time to introspect and figure out who I really am and what I want out of this life. At this point in life, I feel like I have reached a dead-end. I gave up my American dream and moved back to my home country to get married to a guy I had been dating for 3 years. Well, you must think I am crazy right? So did my family and friends. But we all know love is blind. In my case, I think I was blind. I never saw the signs. Or even if I did, I didn’t want to believe them. Within two months of returning to homeland, this guy and I split up. He said he didn’t think he had the courage to go against his family’s wishes. So here I am – dealing with a break up, job search and lost self-esteem. Unsure of my next move. Clueless. The silver lining in this dark, grey cloud is that at least I am at home with my family. I was very homesick while I was in foreign land. I longed for my family, for home-cooked food, and old friends. But now that I am here, I am restless. Part of me wants to return to US. But the other side of my brain keeps reminding me of sad, lonely days, meals eaten alone, days spent walking around alone in New York city and questions me if I really want to feel that lonely again. So here I am…trying to figure it all out. I am hoping that this blog will help me get my act together. It’s the story of my life…from here on.

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